going to the john

Mundong Malupit

2007-02-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

Kailan Ka Ba?

Sugarfree / Tala-Arawan

Duda ang aking kasama, at sabay kami
sa aming pag-iisa
Meron akong matagal nang hinahanap
at ang takot ko’y di sya mahagilap

[refrain]
Dumaan na ba siya?
Di ko lang napuna?
Ilang gabi pang laman ng isip?
Ilang araw pang magtatanong?

[chorus]
Kung sino? Nasa'n? Kailan ka ba?
Darating at ako ay sagipin
Sa mundong malupit, at naiinip
Sino? Nasa'n? Kailan ka ba?

Walang silbi sa akin ang gabi
Di makatulog sa kahihintay sa 'yo
Kung ika’y dumating, kailangang tanggapin
Na baka di ka naman maging akin

[repeat refrain and chorus]

Sino ka man dumating ka na please
Sino ka man dumating ka na please
Sino? Nasa'n? Kailan?

***

This is dedicated to the obvious. And also to a response from prospective grad schools. Haha

Special shoutout to Prof Bea ("Sino sa inyo ang nakaka-relate dito?") and Ablir (This, too, shall pass.).

Torotot Moments

2006-11-18T15:42:00.000+08:00

K-Ann and I were neck-deep in our grad school sessions when we happened by the site of the University of Pittsburgh. There we saw

Me: K-Ann, this picture is giving me lewd thoughts.
K-Ann: Haha. Akala ko sasabihin mo, "deep thoughts."
Me: Uh-huh.

A bit of silence.

Me: Ayaw mo bang mag-aral sa UPitts kung siya ang tutugtog ng torotot mo?

*beat*

Both: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

*****

I was uploading the BSB song All I Have To Give to K-Ann's iTunes.

Me: Ay! Wag mong tingnan, nakakahiya... Guilty pleasure ko yang kantang yan eh.
K-Ann (looking into the screen): Ah, yan. Ah... eh... may album ako niyan eh.
Me: *falls off seat*

*****

At about 11:30 PM last night I sat waiting in front of our village for a tricycle ride. Besides me, there was an empty tricycle (with no sign of the driver anywhere) and another guy waiting. Suddenly, Miss Nursing Student comes out of nowhere and addresses me, "Manong, ba-biyahe po kayo?" while pointing to the empty trike.

Yeah.

So, anyway, I give her my best Lynette Scavo incredulous look. Sometime in the next two seconds she realizes her mistake and whispers a hurried apology. I tell myself I really should work on getting home early.

Back, For A Bit

2006-10-25T09:00:00.000+08:00

Hello. Back after one-sixth of a year, approximately.

You would expect that after a hiatus of that length I'd go into a lengthy discussion about what I did, the places I saw, the people I met... but I won't.

Hahahaha. What I've really been doing is focusing on my grad school application. I started with about 25 schools in mind, and now I'm down to seven or eight. The process of elimination was really hard. I had to consider programs, location, difficulty of getting in, etc etc etc. Anyway, just last week I took the GRE and the TOEFL within 48 hours of each other. Ganun ako eh, gusto kong patayin ang sarili ko. Haha. The two weeks leading to that was the worst. I crammed verbal and quantitative reviews and got two to three hours of sleep a night. I was aided only by coffee--which I suspect would hold its shape even without the mug, it was so strong. The next step would be getting recommendation letters and writing my statement of purpose, you know, once I figure out what that is.

The TOEFL was way easier, but I think I messed up the speaking part. I am bound by oath not to reveal the test questions, but they were really easy... pero nakakakaba talaga. At the end of each speaking task I couldn't stop myself from saying "crap!" Sana talaga di na-record yun. Hahahaha.

And then, of course, there was Milenyo. We're so lucky we didn't sustain too much damage, although floodwater did get into our first floor. My dad had to relocate our car to a higher spot, so my sister and I were left alone. When the water started to rise really fast, we panicked and started to carry some appliances to the second floor. We had a little trouble relocating the TV because it was big and heavy and had about a thousand cables attached to it. At one point I was sitting in the sofa carrying the TV in my lap while Ate removed the cables--with our feet soaking in murky water. It's so cinematic.

I was suddenly transported to my childhood when my lola found my sister and me in a distressing position. I had the TV on my lap, and I was on my sister's lap. We were fighting over which channel to watch, and the TV set fell on me. It was the early 80s; I think there were no remote controls back then, and the channel switch was of the dial type.

Sorry for the random thoughts.

And Here Is Where... 3

2006-08-14T09:26:00.000+08:00

May part three pa 'to? Ayyyy.

Karen, Will, Grace and Jack. I don't think I will ever love an ensemble this much again.

And Here Is Where... 2

2006-08-11T09:09:00.000+08:00

Jal, new drummer Kaka, and Ebe. Fun names.

Jal, Mitch, and Ebe. This is the best picture I took of the whole set.

Bye, Mitch. Or, as we say in Tagalog, siraulo-ka-bakit-ka-aalis?!? Haha. Just kidding.

Those are from my camera. Bea and I have this amazing shot in hers; I'm still waiting for her to send it to me. Waiting. For her. To send it. To me. Soon. Hopefully. Heehee. Peace tayo, Beatriz. All for now. For more of their non-fattening sweetness, visit the Sugarfree mailing list.

Btw, this is the first time I used the Add Image tool in Blogger. I used to upload first in Photobucket. This is waaaaay easier.

And Here Is Where We Say Goodbye

2006-08-07T09:09:00.000+08:00

Bea, Mel, Julius and I were at the Sugarfree 7th anniversary party at the Elbow Room last night. Me and B met up at Megamall and bought deep-dish pizzas (yum) which we ate inside the taxicab and at an abandoned Chinese restaurant at Metrowalk. It was fun to be out again.

After the pizza Bea and I went up to the place, got ourselves seated in a nice, big, empty table, and ordered drinks. I had a mudslide and she got a vodka cruiser. I was hesitating to register at first because I'm just a silent lurker in the Sugarfree mailing list, but we did eventually. Bea used her nametag to cover the tomato sauce she spilled on her shirt. After some time, Melinda, then Julius, arrived.

A few bands played before Sugarfree: Hilera (?), Ciudad and Sandwich. Ciudad sounds good. Gabby Eigenmann apparently took the stage too; luckily Bea and I were at the local Starbucks then getting tea for my sore throat. You know my reservations about Mr. Eigenmann's singing. Anyway. We got back just in time for the Sugarfree set. They have a new drummer, Kaka Quisumbing, who's really good. But I guess that, at least for the night, everyone was focused on Mitch.

They played new songs from their upcoming album... and they were good! Very Sugarfree, with the pain and the humor injected masterfully by the great Ebe. (*falls prostrate on the floor*) After a few songs, Mitch came in and was teased endlessly by Ebe. It was hilarious. They played some classics like Prom, Mariposa and Burnout. Then Mitch stood up and delivered what he alleges is his longest conversation with fellow human beings. Basically he said goodbye, and thanks for the support and all the years he was with the band, and asked that Kaka be treated with the same warmth. His voice was shaking all throughout and he was in tears. I went teary-eyed and my skin went all goosebump-y. It was a lovely, heart-breaking moment.

Haay.

Anyway, we didn't see anyone we knew personally, but a lot of bands were there. Like Imago. Aia was being her usual captivating self, Zach stood silent in those thick-rimmed glasses, and Tim was issuing forth this out-of-this world guffaw from deep within his insides. Ang saya nun. And, oh, I refused Quark Henares a seat. Haha. He seemed really nice.

Yun lang, I'll post some grainy pics soon.

***

My friends Mel and Patrick are out of the running for being America's Next Top... err, Philippine Idol, I mean. The absurdity happened almost a week ago. They were over it in a jiffy--I have a feeling I will take longer to recover. Seemed fitting to include it in this post.

The Beat I'll Miss

2006-07-28T08:14:00.000+08:00

This is Ebe's latest email to the Sugarfree mailing list.

***

hey guys. i am glad you heard it from mitch first. i know some of
you arent taking it well, but sana be happy na lang na we are
parting as good friends. and sabi nga, "this isn't goodbye, just
goodnight." he's always gonna be around.
sana kung ano mang suporta ang pinakita nyo kay mitch, ipakita nyo
rin kay kaka. he's a nice kid and he's working double time to learn
new AND old songs.
our friends are sad, but excited din kasi we're working on new songs
for the october release of our 3rd studio album (grabe, it's been
two years na pala since we released an album). jal and i are very
happy because one, mitch is always gonna be here for all of us, and
two, kaka's passion is rubbing off kaya masipag kami ni jal.
i can not promise you anything but this. kahit anong mangyari, i
will not let you down.
mitch's last manila gig happens on friday at the hard rock cafe.
we'll be playing at 10 pa but if im right, i dont think they charge
entrance until 8pm. im sure he'll appreciate it if you guys go see
him one last time. mahal na mahal nya kayong lahat.
let us grieve, pero gaya nga ng sabi sa dramachine, wag po tayo
mabuhay sa kahapon.
saka mas bagay sa ating lahat ang nakangiti.

ebe

***

And here is Mitch's blog post on their Multiply account.

I was pretty shocked because I only subscribe to emails from the moderators now. I had no inkling. At ngayon ko lang 'to nabasa, kahit na nung Miyerkules pa na-post.

Goodbye, Mitch Singson.

My poor heart is breaking.

Multimedia

2006-07-17T09:52:00.000+08:00

I'm currently crazy about Pandora. Everyone has to try it. Once you've created an account, you can start making radio stations. What you do is simply type in an artist name or song title, then Pandora searches the Music Genome Project (yes, this site appeals to me on so many levels) for artists or songs that have the same general sound, influences, technique, etc. It's allowed me to expand my music vocabulary; for instance, I now know what vamping means. I think.

And then, if you're not already watching Grey's Anatomy, you should start. I caught the first three episodes on Star World, then I kept on missing it because I constantly arrived home late. Good thing my mom was able to borrow pirated DVDs for Seasons 1 and 2 from a friend. Sure, the inlay is in Korean and they mixed up some episodes, but what the hell. I'm hooked. My favorite quote so far:

Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here are my heart and soul - please grind them into hamburger and enjoy."

I have yet to finish Season 1, so no spoilers from those of you who are fans. Okay? Okay.

Steamy Window Sequence

2006-07-05T08:45:00.000+08:00

Alright. This is too fantastic to not blog.

Yesterday, the MBB guard spotted a pickup truck parked at the grassy area behind the building. No one seemed to be inside, but the vehicle was rocking. She proceeded to inspect what was going on and peeped in. What she found was a teenage boy and girl, both totally naked, having sex on the backseat.

The windows were not tinted. It was 11:55AM.

Nakakatawa, na nakakaawa rin. It was probably just two kids who didn't know what to do with raging hormones and their, umm, physiological effects. But still: The windows were not tinted. It was 11:55AM. Haay. The couple was escorted to the UP Diliman Police, who interrogated them. The boy, it turned out, is an 18 year-old DLSU student; the girl is a minor. How did they end up in UP? I don't know. The back of the MBB building isn't even romantic: just grass and parked jeepneys in the distance and the occasional goat grazing.

Really, for a building teeming with geeks, Albert Hall plays witness to the juiciest events. The juiciest, I tell you. One good thing that came out of this was we ended up gossiping for a good twenty minutes in my Master's class. The professor was only too happy to oblige. She had access to full details: the parking space occupied by the pickup truck was hers. Hahahaha.

***

I started working at MSI exactly two years ago today. Happy anniversary, K-Ann! I'm rubbing ashes on my head as I type this.

Something To Break The Hiatus

2006-06-16T08:42:00.000+08:00

I just want to congratulate my friends Patrick and Melinda for getting into Philippine Idol! Woohoo! Hmmm... mahusay, survived their first encounter with Mr. C, Pilita and Francis M. Scoot over to Patrick's blog to see his Golden Ticket.

And belated happy birthday to Bea!

I am missing blogging and bloghopping. Gusto ko pang magsulat!

1996 - 2006

2006-05-31T09:53:00.000+08:00

Akda ni Jayson, na kung minsan ay Guiller rin. Salamat, salamat, salamat.

Medida
Para kina A, B, G at F, mga tapat na kaibigan, sa sampung taon ng ating plastikan (hehehe)

ang totoo, mga kaibigan ko,
ang mga pangarap nati’y di hinuhuling parang tutubi
hindi ito dadapo sa mga ligaw na damo
hindi ito mahahabol ng maliliksing daliri.

batid natin ito.

ngayon pa lamang, dapat matutunan na natin ito:
ang kasaysayan natin ay hindi bubuin ng mga araw at kaganapan
hindi tayo ipagpapatayo ng mga rebulto’t monumento,
wala tayong hinihintay na manunubos, di tulad sa mga nanampalataya,
na darating na parang magnanakaw sa gabi.

ang totoo, ang eksaktong lugar/panahon na kaya nating lingunin,
ang panandang-bato kung saan natin, mula rito, susukatin ang ating narating,
ang siya ring eksaktong puntong nagbubuklod sa atin

ang totoo, mga kaibigan ko,
sa pagitan ng mga huntahan at kwentuhan natin ay mga buntung-hininga—
na bagamat walang titik ay may di nasusukat na pantig na tigib ng kahulugan

Today's Good Deed... Check!

2006-05-16T09:31:00.000+08:00

Let's help this guy get laid.

Belated Happy Mother's Day Mom! I hope you like the green stripe underwear I bought you.

Haha, I've never posted two things as irrelevant as these.

Bice/Daughtry

2006-05-12T09:16:00.000+08:00

I lost two years in a row. *sobs*

Elliot Yamin HAS to win. He has to.

Plea

2006-05-08T09:11:00.000+08:00

There are some things you have to respect, and one of those is time for myself on weekends. It's not as if I slack on weekdays; on the contrary, I break my back trying to squeeze into one day all that you have me do. As it is I work more than the 40 hours a week I am paid for. If it won't cause you to break out in hives, please give us all a bit of credit for all that we do. I assure you we more than deserve that.

Yesterday's were the last tears I will ever shed for work. I promise it.

The Moneymaker

2006-04-29T13:34:00.000+08:00

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

Wow, I could sell this crap and make more money than I do overtiming on Saturdays?!? I just don't know how they compute the figures. I guess I could find out... but science research awaits.

Ikaw, how much is your blog worth?

Lola

2006-04-24T09:45:00.000+08:00

I have been living vicariously off other people for the past few weeks now. It's a disease, I tell you, that's self-inflicted. I really should jog with my labmates every afternoon, and go to beaches with my friends, and make sure that Baguio trip with M8 pushes through... but right now all I can think about is sleeping in on a Saturday morning. And now, more events from other people's lives:

My labmate Dai was malling by herself in SM North last week when she noticed two elderly people following her. The lolo and lola looked normal--at first perusal--so she didn't take much notice of it. That is, until she was followed everywhere she went. She was now in the department store checking out clothes when the old lady approached her from behind, opened her bag (which was slung over her shoulder), and starts scouring through her stuff. Dai was in such shock at the lady's audacity that she did not know what to say at first. And when she regained control of her toungue two seconds later, all she could yell was "Oooohhhhh!" at which the old lady stopped what she was doing and went about her way as if NOTHING happened. You can imagine myself and my labmates doubling over with laughter by this point as Dai was telling her story, but I bet it was scary when it happened. We kept telling Dai she'd just been WOW MALI-ed. Hahahaha.

Ablir, K-Ann and I watched ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Saturday night. Wow wow wow. It was fantastic. I don't like spoilers so I'm going to stop right here. Those of you who have no plans for this coming Friday, Saturday or Sunday: go buy tickets now at Ticketworld. And those of you who are smart and have already booked seats and are just waiting for the weekend to come, start getting excited. It was worth all the trouble we underwent getting the tickets. It was seriously hilarious.

No Fasting for This Guy

2006-04-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

Nothing substantial to write about really. I'm in front of our lab PC and I don't feel like doing any more work. The vacation days are so near, but right before it starts an AMOR meeting is scheduled to transpire. I have erroneous results again this week--what's new. Anyway, Ablir is bent on going to Puerto Galera this week on a "backpacking adventure." For me Puerto Galera is a no-no because the accommodations are extremely expensive and the food terrible (to my blockmates: remember with loathing the schnitzel and kaldirita? hahahahaha). Plus there's this little complication of me having nearly drowned there--details of that horror story I'm taking to my grave. I think the only one who really knows about the whole thing is Sheena, who accompanied me all the way to the safety of the shore. Enough.

I'm not really sure how to spend four days of no work. Lying in a perfectly horizontal position sounds mighty fine... And I should really catch up on my reading. But what would really get the stress out of me is a good, long massage. My labmates accuse me of being obsessed with it at the moment. Here in our lab we give each other quickie... shoulder rubs because they really, really help. Ahh, but to lie flat while being smothered in aromatic oils... Hey, that's the life.

Goodbye for now. I probably won't be able to post again until after Easter, as my cousins and I will busy ourselves singing the Pasiong Mahal starting Wednesday.

Btw, does anyone here watch Grey's Anatomy? The first episode's pretty good. I didn't previously know that Katherine Heigl (of teen sci-fi drama Roswell) was in the cast.

Safe in Here

2006-04-05T10:36:00.000+08:00

clumsy
our lady peace

throw away the radio suitcase
that keeps you awake
hide the telephone, in case
you realize that sometimes you're just not okay
you level off but it's not alright now
you need to understand
there's nothing strange about this
you need to know your friends
you need to know that

i'll be waving my hand, watching you drown
watching you scream
quiet or loud
maybe you should sleep
maybe you just need a friend
as clumsy as you've been
there's no one laughing
you will be safe in here

throw away this very old shoelace
that tripped you again
try and shrug it off
it's only skin now
you need to understand
there's nothing fake about this
you need to let me in
i'm watching you and

i'll be waving my hand, watching you drown
watching you scream
quiet or loud
maybe you should sleep
maybe you just need a friend
as clumsy as you've been
there's no one laughing
you will be safe in here

We're Not Gonna Pay

2006-03-11T11:48:00.000+08:00

I got this and a copy of the movie soundtrack from Ablir, Bea, Jayson, and Grace for my birthday. Watched it a few days ago, when I woke up early in the morning, planning to start my lab report (which is, by the way, still a blank page). Haaaaay. You know they did something right when you're in tears three minutes into the movie.

RENTheads: RENT night na ito! Show up in your best "feeling cold" costume.

Day After

2006-03-03T09:31:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to publish this last Tuesday, but I didn't find time to finish it. Until now:

Yesterday was one of my most harassing birthdays of recall. First up, there was that standoff at Fort Bonifacio the previous night. I was glued to the news and found myself caring about the country's situation after a long time of apathy. Will & Grace was actually cut in mid-scene to allow a live news feed from ANC to come in (and when the regular programming came back, biglang F na!). I was quickly brought up to speed about the goings on, and the principal players (Miranda, Allaga, Querubin, etc.), as well as the shutting down of The Daily Tribune and the military presence in the TV stations. Smells like something from over twenty years ago, something I only read about and hear from my parents and professors. Am I even allowed to write this?

Then on my birthday, we found UP in a lockdown. All exits and entrances to the campus were closed, save for the University Avenue. People--the few who were there--had to walk from building to building as the trusty Ikot was nowhere to be found. The whole place had Ghost Town written all over it. I trooped over to the AS steps to join (or did I merely watch?) the demonstration of UP students, along with some faculty and high-ranking UP officials. Bea and I met up and listened to the panelists talk. Later on I met with my labmates for lunch, in which I had tapsilog, sitting on the pavement and listening to increasingly louder cries of "Oust GMA!"

I'm ashamed to say that I still don't know what my stand is. I'm all for press freedom and respect for human rights, but if and when GMA is ousted, who will replace her? I am fervently hoping no one is going to say "Kabayan." Will there be another presidential elections? Will Susan Roces run? Most importantly, when will this cycle of electing presidents and removing them from office through mass demonstrations end? We've become quite adept at it already and, frankly, sometimes it makes me sick. Now I'm not even sure I'm proud I was there in the streets during EDSA II.

***

I had to stay in the lab late to wait for a foreign shipment to arrive. By the time I got out I was really, really tired, and I was just beginning the long commute home. When I got to our house, however, I was pleasantly surprised because there was my whole family waiting for me with a birthday cake. I made a quick wish, then blew the candle. Took me right back to childhood.

Simple Words

2006-02-27T15:17:00.000+08:00

This one's from my Mom:

Won't you stop and pause for a while. Postpone all unnecessary cares and make this day a very special one for you. Remember,it comes only once a year. But I earnestly hope and pray that you'll experience a hundred and one more happy birthdays like this... Over ba? HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON. Words can't express how proud I am for having a son like you.

*sniffle*

Five Fragments

2006-02-21T08:26:00.000+08:00

There is a strange familiarity with putting my fingers to a keyboard, without writing for either work or school. I know I've neglected to post for sometime now. This time I won't blame it on my hectic sked. This time I point the blame to... Pinoy Big Brother. Kaka-addict eh. Hahaha! Joke lang, actually busy lang talaga ako at tamad rin.

***

I've been composing this email to Sheena using Microsoft Word, and I've already written a few thousand words, but now I've forgotten the password. Horror! Hindi ko na siya ma-open ulit. Does anyone know how I can recover it?

***

The maternal side of my clan is going to Singapore in a few months and I can't come because I have work and I don't have a passport because DOST has banned me from leaving the country and so I'm stuck here, plus one of my friends (name withheld) is also leaving for Maryland and I will be left alone with my thoughts in the lab and it's fun to write like this even if it annoys you all.

***

The most interesting thing to happen to me in recent memory is my nightmare of two nights ago. In it, I was chill-chill-chilling (bwahahahaha) in my room, while my dad was watching a news program downstairs. Since my door was open I could hear most of what was being said on the TV: a criminal was confessing how he grotesquely murdered a girl (I think it was by water torture). Just then, an overhead cabinet in my room opened and down dropped a corpse--that of the murdered girl. She was wearing an all-white dress to match her pale complexion, her hair was long and frizzy, and she had swollen, orange lips. That is what'll stick to you, the swollen, orange lips. I woke up with a start, listening to my heart hammering away. Seconds later I dash to the light switch. Now I keep expecting my cabinet doors to fly open and release a girl in rigor mortis; thankfully, all that really is in danger of dropping out are my old clothes and lizard poop.

***

You should all see Brokeback Mountain. And read the short story too, if you have a copy of it.

On Writing, On Fairies

2006-01-12T09:24:00.000+08:00

I got published today. Whee! I hope you can all read my TB article, and not doze off doing it. I last got published way, way back in grade school.

Totally irrelevant: I am now a fan of Etheria. I'm a bit lost because I didn't start watching it from the beginning and I only caught about half an episode of Encantadia. The song played while the end credits roll is something nice.

Here Come The Waterworks

2005-12-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

Ang babaw-babaw ng luha ko these days. Is it just the emotion of this season? Last week I had to hold my tears in while my boss grilled me about my work. Funny that instead of being angry at her, I was mostly angry with myself. Hmmm. I should let myself off the hook more easily.

Last night we had a lab Christmas party at Ate Irene's. It was REALLY fun, especially the games (Charades and Hawakan ng Saging--haha). Ate Zeny, who was in-house RA immediately before me, and who is now happily teaching high school students, gave me a gift with an attached note. I opened them just a while ago. The gift was a 2006 planner and a ballpen (how she knew that I needed these badly I will never know). But the one that really hit home was the short letter. It feels so good to have someone appreciate what you do. Nakakawala ng pagod. And coming from her, who was in this position for six years, well... let's just say it was an Oscar moment. Naiyak talaga ako dito sa lab. Good thing I didn't read the letter on my commute to the workplace. I imagine people would stare.

I'm planning to write a lengthy piece on the past year. Life-changing siya, to say the least. Hindi man matutuloy yung Boracay getaway, ayos lang. I think I'll have a fun New Year's. But for now, Happy Christmas to all!

Ablir, magpagaling ka. Kakanta ka pa ng One Song Glory sa January 1!

I _____________

2005-12-01T13:53:00.000+08:00

Got this from Marik. Feel free to post it too.

Here are the instuctions....

A. Copy this whole list.
B. Highlight the things that are true about you.
C. Whatever you don't touch is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a bathroom
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George Bush
15. I am cool
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a jacuzzi and a Porsche
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere
20. I can be really really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
25. Punk rock rules
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am so not a morning person
30. I wear glasses --> contact lenses, actually
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Japanese
34. My legs are two different sizes
35. I have a twin
36. I wear a padded bra sometimes
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing
42. People hate me usually
43. I love pop music
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight
45. I hate parking fines
46. I know the national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages --> Filipino, English, und etwas Deutsch
48. I can spend too much time on the computer
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window
50. I live on a ground floor --> but my house has two...
51. I don't like chocolate
52. I'd like to be more original
53. I've lied --> no, really. i haven't.
54. Cocks are my favorite birds
55. I want to conquer the world
56. I wonder what happens when I die --> what if everything just turns black, and you are suspended in an under-anesthesized mode? freaky
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter
58. I love my dog! --> don't have one
59. I love to exercise
60. I hate chemistry with a passion and math, too!
61. I love to write but I wish I could be as interesting as some people --> or that I had more time for it
62. I like changes --> this is too general, i'm coloring it yellow
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die --> right now, yeah. i am only 22!
65. I hate dish washing with a passion!
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inch long
68. My favorite color is black
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking --> I burned my hand frying an egg. I'd like to get better though
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little --> who didn't?
72. I should be doing something else rather than doing this --> no, as i have not been paid in a month
73. I am online a lot
74. I hate the government --> I hate how it's being handled right now
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good --> sometimes. my anger tends to dissipate irritatingly quickly
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can --> not anymore. *wails*
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a wagon
81. I clean my room once a month --> only when my Mom absolutely forces me to
82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion
86. I used to play with barbies only because all the other girls were doing it
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little
88. I like listening to wind chimes
89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight - ahuy! yeah. sure.
91. I earn a lot --> ...of heartache
92. I don't like spicy food --> slightly spicy is okay
93. I keep a diary -- used to
94. I can't do cartwheels --> or do the hard "Rrrrrr!"
95. I can be very lazy
96. I'm sarcastic more often than not
97. I think my hair can be annoying
98. I could be sensitive --> too sensitive pa nga eh
99. I love being "ab-normal" --> love 'em weirdoes

***

It's World AIDS Day today. Wear a red ribbon, and be responsible: have safe sex.

Blood On The Bathroom Floor

2005-11-26T10:35:00.000+08:00

I did a little Van Gogh this morning while I was shaving. You see that little lump encircled in the photo below?

That, my friends, is now effectively gone from my left ear. Cut it inadvertently while I was at my sideburns. Haaah. I should hang an "Accident Prone" sign around my neck. This blog should be retitled Going to the John... Johns Hopkins Medical Center. Or, Freak Accident Boy. Or, Unhappy RA Kills Himself Little by Little. Or, or...

Ain't Nothin' But A Heartache

2005-11-15T18:11:00.000+08:00

Really, really funny Chinese boys in their debut music video.

Tagay

2005-11-07T19:54:00.000+08:00

A Case of You
Joni Mitchell

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Where’s that at?
If you want me I’ll be in the bar

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue tv screen light
I drew a map of canada
Oh canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I’d still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Color go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed
Oh but you are in my blood you’re my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet

Mmmmmmm

Come Crash Into Me

2005-10-27T09:04:00.000+08:00

This was, I think, karma for taking three-hour long lunch breaks. Heehee.

Diane, Eloise and I were coming back from lunching at Super Bowl and parked our ride in front of our building. Since it was raining very hard we decided to just run for it; the foyer was really only a short distance from the parking lot. I think I only sprinted about three meters before slipping on the cement.

You know what's funny about slipping? There's this millisecond when you're in denial about it: I'm not really slipping, this is just my hyperactive imagination! Then you hit ground and you have to accept that fact. Fortunately, no one else except my friends was there to see me in my Funniest Home Videos moment ; unfortunately, it was a pretty bad fall and I injured myself quite nicely. I have cuts on both my hands, an eight-inch gash and a wound on my left forearm (collectively looking like a sinister exclamation point), and several abrasions on my left leg. My hip was aching a bit so I had to go home early and also absent myself the next day.

I've had my share of these little accidents already, so this is just another entry in my logbook. I once slipped on the stairs of the S&H building in high school, and also once in the parking lot underneath Eastwood, plus the numerous knee injuries I incurred in grade school when we would play langit-lupa during recess. The most embarrassing so far was early in college, in Philcoa on the way to a friend's birthday party. We were scrambling for a bus ride and I slipped yet again. One second I was running, the next second I was lying perfectly flat on the bus lane. Aiiieee, the mortification.

The culprits, in retrospect, are my favorite denim Chucks, whose soles I've worn to almost nothing, and my refusal to always carry an umbrella.

Two Hydrogens and An Oxygen

2005-10-20T16:07:00.000+08:00

You are a water fairy. You are trustworthy, honest,
caring and loyal. You make a good friend but
you can be overprotective of people sometimes.
Isn't the picture lovely? I told you it would
be.

What type of fairy are you?(with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Dumdidum

2005-10-13T13:58:00.000+08:00

Ang mga kaibigan ko nagda-drama! Hindi ko kaya:

1. Ablir -- yung October 5 post.

2. Jayson

At eto naman ang Multiply link ni Beatriz Marie.

Work It

2005-10-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

You know your boss is something out of the ordinary when she can stress you from overseas. Haaaay. But at least work is letting up a bit now. The project proposal which I'm helping prepare--and which took me away from lab work for almost a month now--is almost ready for submission. That was REALLY stressful; I was working my ass off everyday, seriously. If I didn't eat ice cream very very often to drown the pain I'd probably be as thin as... as... crap, I can't think of anyone.

I've spent so much time and effort working on this little project. And, even then, I'd get a "you're obviously out of it" from you know who. I swear, if the government refuses to fund this thing, I'm gonna... I will... uggh. Probably cry. Hahahaha.

So how is everyone doing? My blockmates and I had lunch at Gateway last Saturday, which was fun! (I miss college.) Then they went off to watch Dubai, while I went back to MSI to work and to happily appreciate that I didn't have to endure no John Lloyd. Wehehehehe. Belated happy birthday to darling Aileen.

Wala nang nag-uupdate halos ng mga blog nila. Edgar! Hender! Leonard!

It's Been That Long?

2005-09-27T09:25:00.000+08:00

My blog recently turned a year old! Thanks to everyone who've commented on my entries and who never fail to leave me a shoutout in my chatterbox.

Three hundred and seventy-five days later and I still don't know my HTML tags. Gaaah.

Here's to another year of online exhibitionism. 2005 to 2006 may witness a more introspective John Fadul. The times call for it.

Matatapang. Matatalino.

2005-09-23T20:29:00.000+08:00

Even if they just stand there I will root for them. Just because. But they don't do that, as they prefer humanly impossible yoga stunts.

Last Saturday they put up this strikingly original routine that (yet again) wasn't given due credit, in my opinion. Haay.

But never mind. For me, it's still: Go UP Pep!

By the way, I got this pic from the UP website (http://www.up.edu.ph/forum/2004/Jul-Aug04/image/pepsquad.jpg). I hope I'm not infringing on intellectual property.

The past month or so

2005-09-15T09:13:00.000+08:00

Just a bit of free time now, away from work. I should write something more substantial real soon, I have so much to say. But for now, colored pixels will have to do.

***

Some pics from the country club at the Ayala Greenfield Estates in Laguna. We’ve actually been there twice already, once in March and once during the past weekend. Both times it rained and we contented ourselves with swimming happily in the drizzle. No pics of me here, as I was lurking behind my trusty camera.

First up: landscapes.

Oops. That's me inside the red circle.

Mikko, my youngest cousin on the maternal side, whom I absolutely adore.

My sister (long hair) with some of my cousins.

My mom (in the middle) with her sisters.

Migs, Mikko’s brother, with his constant playmate.

Cousin and birthday boy Paolo.

Migs against foliage.

Mom, Ate Jackie and Migs.

Camera-loving Mikko and his new sunburn.

Raya Ysabelle, all cheeks and charm. My cousin Meg had her just over a month ago.

***

Now a couple of pics from Lani’s despedida party. This should’ve been posted ages ago.

Madel and K-Ann.

A tad of Ria, K-Ann, me, Madel, and a sprinkling of Aisa.

She’s got a ticket to ride.

Quite blurry. I love the emotion though. Aisa, true to form, poses with deadly accuracy. Heh-heh.

What we call a crowd shot. That’s Charisse holding the hot pink phone.

Aisa (foreground), Madel, K-Ann, Edgar, and Ria. Who is that guy in white?

Krissy trying to get the people to count off for a session of Charades.

***

And now the lone respectable shot I got during Rockestra, before one of the ushers threatened to confiscate my camera. In my defense, I did not know taking pictures was prohibited. There were no signs saying so.

Music that night was amazing, but the venue? Uggh.

Illuminated streets of the PICC Complex.

That’s Star City glimmering in the background.

***

Finally, some pics from the medical conference at Crowne Plaza Hotel, which my Mom helped organize. I got Common Ground to sing in it. Yay!

Quartet: keyboards + violin + flute + cello.

Nice lighting.

Doctors, most of whom do not know how to unwind. How about tapping your feet to the beat, people? How about snapping your fingers every now and then? Jeez.

Common Ground.

James on keyboards, Patrick and Chique on vocals, and Tim on the kahon.

Goodbye, Normal

2005-08-08T17:22:00.000+08:00

What is the kinkiest thing you've ever done?

The One With The Lost Cellphone

2005-08-01T08:04:00.000+08:00

Friday night I went with Bea, Patrick and his sister Janna to the MTV Right to Royalty concert. One couldn’t say no to the offer: Cynthia Alexander, Makiling Ensemble, The Dawn, Gary Valenciano, Pinikpikan, Rivermaya, True Faith, Grace Nono. We arrived at the Open Field of The Fort just before the great swarm of people; nevertheless, all seats were already occupied. We were enjoying ourselves, listening to the music and taking snapshots of the scene, until Rivermaya went onstage and the pineapples started going berserk. Berserk to us, that is; apparently, making a mosh pit out of every square foot of ground available is the norm to them. Anyway, the four of us just placed ourselves conveniently out of their reach and were unscathed… for now.

Bea left sometime later to meet with the Pokka Circle. This was just before The Dawn started their set and the guys in black stirred anew. This time the commotion was much wilder, with a kid of about ten bodysurfing over his idiot friends. After the whole fuss, in which I stumbled over and stepped on an angry mother, I found that I had lost my phone. We tried searching for it but the space around us were filled with garbage and not much else. We decided to get out of there immediately into safer areas.

Once out of the greater part of the crowd, Patrick and Janna tried to contact my cellphone. It was still ringing so I turned back and headed for our previous spot. I said “excuse me” to everyone until this guy who was sitting wouldn’t let me pass, and told me in an accusatory voice:

“Sa’n ka ba? Kasama ka ba nung mga magugulo?”

I was infuriated. Am I dressed in black and grime? Of course, I didn’t say that. I just gave him an incredulous look and walked away. The extremely stupid guy didn’t even realize, that if I’d been with the Rowdy Boys, I wouldn’t even excuse myself--I’d just push him out of my way. And I was alone, for godsakes. No one wearing the grunge look would be on his own; they act exclusively in throngs.

I went back to my friends who were still on their cellphones. After a few rings a guy picked up and told us (1) that he is planning to return my cellphone, (2) not to worry, and (3) to meet him near the blue gate. We did just that, but after nearly an hour of waiting for him and searching the crowd for a guy in the attire he described, we were tired and decided to just go home. Patrick and Janna tried calling my phone again, but this time it was out of reach. I’m still giving him the benefit of the doubt though. Anyway if he accidentally turned my phone off there was no way he could turn it on again. I made sure of that.

***

A litany of thanks is in order:

Ate Jackie – You who slept through the whole ordeal. Thanks to your knack for losing your mobile phones, the shock of my loss was quite deadened. Thank you. (Same goes to Edgar, Krissy, and Lani.)

Bea – For having the sense to rescue yourself from the night’s mishap, thank you.

Dad – Thanks for waiting up for me and for not badgering me with questions when I got home.

Mom – You are the person who least deserves to be woken up at night and yelled at. Sorry if my temper got the best of me; I know you were only worried. Thanks for understanding and your unwavering patience.

The siblings Ablir – For allowing me to use your mobile phones and credits while searching for mine, for your helpful suggestions on what I should do, for performing your own suggestions when I lost all sense, for worrying with me: a bazillion thanks. Janna, thanks for the free concert tickets; under different circumstances it would’ve been a happy night. Patrick, for searching practically the whole open field for the Man-in-a-White-Shirt-and-Chicago-Bulls-Cap and for keeping your wits about you, thank you. You guys are the best.

God – For endowing me with extraordinary optimism and for seeing that I got home safely, thank you.

My mobile phone – I cursed you for failing me so many times; there were instances when I desperately wanted to hurl you against a wall. You retaliated by self-destructing and costing me more than a few thousand pesos in repair. But which relationship is without its problems, right? The good times we had far outweigh the bad. Thank you, and may your replacement arrive quickly.

Comet's Tail

2005-07-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

I burned my hand yesterday.

Got home from work around 8:30 PM, and found that there was nothing for dinner. As is expected when hungry, my temper went up and I stormed off to the kitchen to cook, well, one of the few things I know how to cook: a fried egg. But when I turned the egg over to cook the other side, quite a bit of the boiling oil splattered onto the back of my right hand.

It was a curious feeling: like being slapped really hard by many tiny hands. My mouth opened really wide but no sound came out. I rushed to the sink to bring my hand under the tap; later I went inside the house to soak it in cold water. The first aid book actually says NOT to apply any cream or ointment. (But why do we even have burn ointments?)

The back of my hand now registers three coin-sized patches, all in angry scarlet. All are in the shape of small comets, or jellyfish.

***

Incidentally Comet's Tail is the title of Cynthia Alexander's latest album, which is playing in my WMP.

The Thinker

2005-07-20T18:52:00.000+08:00

I like and hate being alone for much the same reason: it gets me in the mood for some serious thinking. On one hand, the silence helps me focus more on the issue I need to resolve. I talk to myself inside my head and, pretty soon, peace of mind and clarity come. This is why I sometimes go to church alone. I sit there on a vacant pew and think away.

But also: the quiet kicks my tendency to over-analyze things into hypermode. I start reading too much into things, dissecting what's happened until it bears no semblance to the original. At this point I reconsider the benefits of noise.

Queen of the South

2005-07-18T08:29:00.000+08:00

Just outside the Mactan airport: Carlo, Dai, and Eloise.

Eloise, (a stunned) Dai, and me.

Waterfront Hotel in Lahug.

Columns in the east (?) wing of the hotel.

Perfect lighting.

First day of the convention. We sat all the way at the back at first, a deed later deemed as “not nice.” Mwahahaha. Carlo, Ate Glory, Eloise (standing), Jasmin, Dai, and Rollan (blurry).

Beside their posters (clockwise from top left): Aisa, Dai, Ate Glory, and Eloise.

Representatives of M8: me, Aileen, Madel, and Aisa.

Scientists of the world, unite! That’s Dean Azanza at dead center.

Me, Carlo, and Kuya Frank bored out of our wits. Bottomless coffee kept me from nodding off but did nothing to help the bladder problem.

My fly. Kidding! Zipper ng jacket ko.

The geeks of Albert Hall, after taking down the posters: Jana, Aiko, Madel, Aisa, me, Kuya Marvin, and Boris (sitting).

Happy hour at Slabadu.

Aherm.

Me with the girl who swears she never gets drunk.

Manila-bound and aboard the SuperFerry 12.

Blue, above and below the horizon.

Sitting on the deck, one just feels dwarfed.

Near sunset, somewhere in the Visayas.

Dining hall of the vessel. Bad food, but Session Road in their CD player.

Ambushing the control center.

The MNP kids, with the Captain (standing and fourth from left) and two of his crew.

Bedtime stories: Ate Glory reminiscing about how she and her boyfriend met. Dai, covered in sheets, listens intently.

Minutes before docking: Ate Glory, Carlo, me, Jas, and Dai.

Murky bay, air pollution, and thieving cab drivers. Home, in other words.

Dangerous Apathy?

2005-06-23T08:03:00.000+08:00

I'd like to write something about this whole business of GMA's involvement in jueteng and election fraud, but I know next to nothing about it. Save perhaps hearing the infamous Hello Garci ringtone. During the past two or three weeks I don't think I've read even one news article related to it. The time I used to give to News Central I now spend sleeping--and for good reason, too. I'm getting sick of work; it's beginning to burn me out.

It might not be apathy, after all, but just the need to rest. Someday I hope I can return to being updated about current events. I used to be that way, early in college. I fear I've become too caught up in my own petty affairs.

Fete

2005-06-22T08:24:00.000+08:00

Bea, Patrick, Eric and I went to Fete Saturday night... and on to about 4 am Sunday morning. Wow, I previously did not think that an outdoor venue could be packed full of people, but there it was. "Pineapples" everywhere with or without their black t-shirts. Sweat and grime and more than 10 hours of good music--there really wasn't anything more to ask.

We planned on watching a lot of bands, but finally ended up catching all or parts of the following acts: the capoeiristas, Cynthia Alexander, Radioactive Sago Project, Pinikpikan, Kjwan, Sugarfree, Kiko Machine, Sponge Cola, Session Road, Skarlet & Jazz Friends, Mother Earth, Wahijuara, Mishka Adams/Blues Echoes, and Subconcept. (Ang dami rin pala!) Does anyone know if Imago even made it?

Saw a bunch of people too: Tim from the NIMBB faculty, a lot of high school batchmates, John Lloyd and Robbie Mananquil. Hweheheheh. At the end of the event I rejoined my labmates and went back to the MSI to sleep. Sunday I spent walking around half-awake.

Bummer that I didn't bring my camera to Fete.

Sometime just before Cynthia Alexander's set, when I was reviewing my band guide (with the acts I wanted to catch highlighted in bright blue), a stranger to my right says aloud:

'Yan naman ang die-hard, may sked!

I flushed crimson and slowly slipped the sheets of paper into my back pocket. On second thought, what of it? The music is in me.

***

A few more days, then I'm off to Cebu! No, not for a vacation. I'm presenting a paper on (ewww) bioinformatics. Let's hope no one asks insightful questions. My labmate and primary author Pam is in Munich right now, so the crown was passed on to me.

2005-06-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

Goosebumps all over, and tears welling in my eyes.

You can also scoot over to the movie's website and/or visit the Rent blog.

Much thanks to the birthday girl for sending me this e-mail.

Satiated

2005-06-09T19:33:00.000+08:00

Sobrang favorite ko na ang Waffle Time waffles! Ibang klase, ang sarap-sarap, mura pa (10-15 pesos lang ang isa). Just a few minutes ago I had a Cheese Delight. Yesterday, it was Swiss Chocolate. The other day was Tuna Salad day.

I am hooked. I confess addiction!

***

Last Tuesday I went to the Gateway Cineplex 10 to catch Wong Kar-Wai's Happy Together (if I hear mention of Eric Quizon and/or Kris Aquino, blood will flow). I really, really liked it. I love films which do not follow the obvious structure of beginning-conflict-climax-resolution. Happy Together is just that. It's voyeuristic, really: it feels as if we are given a peek into the life of an on-again, off-again gay couple at their most unrehearsed. Tony Leung (Fai) and Leslie Cheung (Po-Wing) give brilliant performances, as always. I love this scene where Po-Wing just breaks down after Fai leaves him and slams the door. Leslie Cheung sobbing is such a phenomenon.

Ah, but I give the worst movie critiques. You should check out those posted on The Internet Movie Database page.

Yesterday Patrick and I watched Formula 17 at the UP Film Institute. (Bea was supposed to come but turned out to be too busy.) The story was contrived and the humor largely slapstick, but we forgive these things, don't we? Hahahahaha.

For more of the Pink Film Festival, hop on to the official website.

Monsieur Nadal

2005-06-06T08:25:00.000+08:00

I stayed up until 1 AM this morning to watch this boy win the French Open final. I think I may have outdone myself cheering. Haha. It was 8 PM, I think, when I got home last night, so I didn't have a chance to watch Justine Henin-Hardenne destroy the stately Mary Pierce in her pink number.

One and Two

2005-05-30T18:43:00.000+08:00

I used to have a journal which I kept on my hard drive, locked with a password. Into it I put all my thoughts, even the really dirty/mean ones which I knew I'd have trouble re-reading in the future. One day in November my PC crashes, for no apparent reason, taking with it all the memories of 2003 and 2004 I cared to write about. Needless to say I was heartbroken and it took me half a year to start another one. I thought blogging would be the key but I was wrong; online publishing left me as my own worst (or best?) censor.

I mused over it for a while and thought that maybe I should write my thoughts with pen and paper, old school. But then scenes of a diary lost from Mara Clara flash through my mind.

From time to time I'll be posting bits of my diary here.

Timing

2005-05-30T08:17:00.000+08:00

Two or three times in the past week, I tune in to NU just as this song is playing. Ang galing! Everytime I hear it I just swoon and keel over.

Into The Night
The Music

Tonight we'll start a fire
You know we'll let it burn
Somehow we'll over come it
I'll never know
I can't stop thinking about it
It's eating away inside
Believe me when I tell you
It's mine
You now know
I decided long ago
I was gonna be with you
But into the night we both will go
And find our own way

A thousand lights above us
We're gonna let them shine
What comes first tomorrow
Or maybe the next life
Cos you live for the weekend
And I live forever
And you say you don't need it
I don't know
You don't know
I decided long ago
I was gonna be with you
But into the night we both will go
And find our own way

I decided long ago
I was gonna be with you
But into the night we both will go
And find our own way
Do you know
Do you know
Whoa woe

Do you know
Do you know
Whoa woe
I'm taking my things
Leaving behind
All of the pain you've caused me
And I never want you
Back in my life
Back in my life
In my life
I can't stop thinking about it
It's eating away inside
Believe me when I tell you
It's mine
You now know
I decided long ago
I was gonna be with you
But into the night we both will go
And find our own way
I decided long ago
I was gonna be with you
But into the night we both will go
And find our own way

Yeah, we will find our own way

Do you know
Do you know
Whoa woe

Unprecedented

2005-05-14T02:03:00.000+08:00

Even I cannot believe where I am right now. And I'm pretty gullible.

I'm still in the lab, doing an all-nighter experiment. Shit. And each step takes all of three minutes, but I have to stay anyway because the procedure is scattered over time points six hours apart. Is that sentence even grammatically correct?

I'm scared because I'm all alone in this building, save the security guard (who is a bit frightening himself). My labmates tell of ghost stories in this institute and... no, I don't want to go there. This atmosphere even worsens my bladder condition. I've gone three times already in the past half-hour.

Damned, damned science research. How do I even convince myself that I like it sometimes?

***

You all have to try Gizoogle.

A is for Adorable

2005-05-09T19:56:00.000+08:00

A blog meme from Bea (the most blog-active non-blogger EVER).

Reply to this post
and I'll tell you something,
or many things,
I adore about you.
Then post this in your journal.

Don't be shy, now.

Drama

2005-05-09T19:39:00.000+08:00

cupboard closeup

essence of john fadul

wedding flowers

some night scenes from the top floor of the Prestige Towers:

Take me back to my home/ to a place where I belong...

view from our dinner table

combustion

VCF building at the Fort

12 March 2005

2005-04-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

Some pics I should've posted ages ago, from The Doppler Effect in Pisay. Sorry if most of the photos are grainy.

Random pics of me, Hender, Edgar, BJ, JoAnne, and Maqui.

Pick anyone. That was me five, six years ago.

Orange & Lemons.

Brownbeat All Stars.

Myra doing what she does best.

Imago.

Aia de Leon: the lovely, the talented.

My boy Ebe, and Christy of Batch '98.

Diego Mapa of Cambio.

Cambio.

Looking like the nerds watching him.

Diego again. I hate that song... what's it called? DV?

Edgar, me, and Ablir.

All hail Sugarfree.

Jal, Mitch, and Ebe.

Hender, BJ, Edgar and me. Also: Patrick's futile attempt to get into the frame.

So nice of them to do this pose for me, eh?

Try this

2005-04-24T19:14:00.000+08:00

The hardest riddle available on the internet, or so they say. I'm stuck on level 6 (of 123!)

The Year of Issues

2005-04-21T18:56:00.000+08:00

You all know that by turning twenty-two, one does not merely age a year. Twenty-two is not an ordinary number; it is the fast-track button to senior citizenship and nursing homes. I myself am experiencing the first few symptoms of senility. I crave sleep more than usual, I experience chest pains, I hear a loud crack on my knee joint every time I do an about-face. And to top it all off, excuse the pun, I think I am developing a bald spot.

My favorite stylist was the first to notice it. Or at any rate, the first with guts enough to mention it. Really, I used to have the thickest mop of hair. When I was a kid, it had to be trimmed every two weeks. And now Miss Jenny is saying she can’t clip more than she already has, because my scalp was showing in places. Because my hair was--what was the term she used? ah, yes--thinning. Now I dislike mirrors even more. I guess it’s partly karmic: David Letterman’s Comb-Over of the Night used to have me in stitches. Suddenly, not so funny. And I’m not even over my other issues: my unusually wide forehead, my constant craving for approval, etc.

2005 is indeed the year of issues and people with lots of issues. There are the friends who came out. The labmates and their disputes with the boss/other labmates. The parents who ignored each other for a while. The cousin who got pregnant. The friend who went to the provinces and had an ideological reawakening. The blockmates who were fed up with each other. Of course, there’s that friend-of-a-friend who is just brimming with self-esteem hang-ups. And these are just the issues I deem publishable.

I don’t really know what I’m complaining about. I’m not particularly unhappy, just a bit stressed. I’m loveless but I know people who love me. It’s probably just my whiny mode kicking in. I know I’m lucky, I’ve got to put life in perspective. Question: when you’re crossing the street, or happen to be at the mall, don’t you think about this: that each person you see is leading a unique life? That there are countless ways of living out one lifetime? It makes me feel like one inconsequential speck. And still you find a handful of people who can relate to you and understand you. At the end, it’s a comforting thought.

The other day I smothered my hair--what’s left of it--with extra virgin coconut oil, the latest magic liquid. On the advice of my mom, and ignoring the skepticism science has taught me. I smelled like biko for a good three hours, but when I shampooed it off, surprise! No fallen strands.

Faith, John Fadul. A little faith.

My Favorite Endless

2005-04-20T19:58:00.000+08:00

Aha! Got it right the first time.

Destiny - You are mature and saddled by
responsibility. Sometimes you seem cold because
of this. You need to learn to have fun and
loosen up.

Which one of Sandman's Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't know why I like him so much, he's so uptight.

Seek

2005-04-14T08:48:00.000+08:00

owner of the sky
cynthia alexander

time and time again
we tread upon
the dusty earth we bed
in search for
the Owner of the Sky

must i? i must! i say
age upon age, say i,
exalt in my search for
the Owner of the Sky

i see sky, you see
the sky from end to end
sees i, you see
i be now
as i be then

life after life i be borne
upon the dusty path
lay your head on the weary rock
in search for in search for
the Owner of the Sky

i see sky, you see
the sky from end to end
sees i, you see
i be now as i be then

I, Norman Bates

2005-04-14T08:07:00.000+08:00

For those born in the month of...

2005-03-21T08:16:00.000+08:00

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy
and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets
angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes.Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Andaming magandang sinabi, but the most important is in boldface. Alam niyo na. Harhar.

For Merwin

2005-03-21T08:06:00.000+08:00

This was made by another batchmate of mine, Tudoy Leonin.

We were never classmates in high school, but I've talked to him a couple of times. There's still this feeling of loss I can't shake.

Oh, fragile life.

Short Rant

2005-03-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

I think I just spent 12 hours in the lab. Waaaaah! But, as they say, the first cut is always the deepest... may this never happen again.

Bea. Coffee. Tomorrow.

Happy birthday, Jayson Fajarda!

HBD

2005-02-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

It began so bad it had no choice but to pick up and get better. As REM took over me I dreamt that three of my closest friends went out of town and got themselves killed. Now, in retrospect, I know I should’ve figured out it was a nightmare, some scenes in it were just too far-fetched. Like this one sequence where BJ and I were in some sort of forensic lab trying to determine if Bea, Grace, and Patrick were really dead. If the microscope slide turned blue, we knew that Friend X has bitten the dust. How very CSI. Anyhow, when I was still in it, the thing felt so real and scary. I kept thinking, I could never replace my friends. Then I wake up and for a fleeting moment think that everything was true; two seconds later consciousness hits and I heave a sigh of relief. I pick up my mobile phone (which I left on) and see that Grace has sent me the very first greeting. Everything was okay.

Nothing special happened. It’s such a bummer if you can’t celebrate because you’re broke. And my Mom wasn’t even home because she had to work, so the rest of us had to make do with whatever’s left inside the ref. But leaving all the trivial stuff aside, I was happy. Really. A bazillion text messages/Friendster messages/e-mails/chatterbox posts from friends and family, and even from those I haven’t heard from in a while. I didn’t go to Mass, but I thanked God for giving me a good life, friends and family, and for helping me get through the hard stuff (of which there is more to come, surely). She’s really been wonderful to me.

To my blockmates and friends to whom I owe a big bash: Later na, pag nagkamal na ako ng malaking pera. Harhar.

Yun lang. And my blog is alive again.

I turn twenty-two today.

And On This Day of Hearts...

2005-02-14T18:35:00.000+08:00

...I am truly happy. I'll tell you all about it in a bit, but I have to get going now if I am to avoid the road congestion.

I am addicted to this song right now:

Shimmer
Fuel

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend
We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again
She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...
Guess I'll let it go

Motion Picture Adventures

2005-02-07T08:44:00.000+08:00

What is it about my profile that allows others to recognize me in near pitch-black?

It was Thursday afternoon at the MSI, and a late experiment almost caused me to miss the screening of Before Sunrise at the UP Film Institute. By some stroke of luck I was able to get out of my responsibility and instantly trooped over to the university moviehouse. I was going to text Bea the minute I found a seat, but I guess her thumbs were quicker. Her text message read: “Am I just hallucinating or did you just walk into the UPFI? I recognized your outline.” What the…? I called her immediately and we spent the next few minutes groping for each other in the dark (why does that sound sleazy). When we finally found each other we plopped into the nearest empty seats and giggled. Almost twenty-four hours later I enter the UPFI again, this time with K-Ann, to watch Before Sunset. It wasn’t hard to find seats, unlike yesterday’s screening, which was free admission. We found a half-empty row and began to settle in, all the while chatting. Suddenly, someone three seats to my left hails me: “Hoy, Fadul, ikaw ba ‘yan?” I respond to the affirmative. It was my high school batchmate Jacq Romero, with some of her friends. I was flabbergasted. I start to wonder if I exude a characteristic smell.

To stray a bit from the topic: I liked all three movies I watched this week. Before Sunrise and Before Sunset were heartwarming, quaint movies with exceptional screenplays. The films ran on, well, good dialogue. It’s like eavesdropping on two regular people when they unintentionally meet and connect. And somehow you never get tired of the tête-à-tête, even I with my short attention span. (To Bea, Grace, and Patrick: I'm sorry I singlehandedly prevented us from watching Before Sunset that night. I was just really turned off by the tag line. Now I know it’s my folly; I beat my breast, mea culpa.) And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was just brilliant filmmaking. Beatriz, we should've held hands, if only to approximate that feeling.

And I just had to put this:

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

The Good and the Bad

2005-01-25T08:58:00.000+08:00

The good:
Last Friday I watched one of my ultimate favorite movies, In the Mood for Love, by the visionary Wong Kar-Wai. I was with Nestor, Marife, and Joanna (Hey Marf, whatever happened to the thing we were talking about inside the MRT train? Hmmm?). As every scene unfolded I was reminded of why I liked it so much in the first place. The whole movie is like a slowly moving painting. It’s… art. Plus it feels so voyeuristic, with the camera peeping out of the most unconventional places. Add to that spectacular acting and the flirty music I just adore, equals perfect film. I don’t understand why Patrick and Bea found it boring. Anyway, fast forward to two days later. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I was being my usual couch potato self surfing channels when a movie on Star Chinese caught my eye. The title was 2002 and supposedly starred Nicholas Tse and Stephen Fung. I start to get confused because the main character looked a lot like Tony Leung. I suspect that the cable network got the movie titles mixed up because I was almost sure it was Chungking Express that was playing. I check the Internet later and find out I was right, yay, but that I only caught the second half of the film. I’m still grateful. And this Friday I am watching 2046 with Bea and Grace. So that’s three Wong Kar-Wai movies in eight days. Am very blessed.

The bad:
The same day I caught Sponge Cola live on SOP. I was so excited because they were playing Lunes. This experience should’ve been grouped with the previous paragraph, then horror! I see Gabby Eigenmann standing to the left of Yael Yuzon, holding the most potent weapon available to him at the time, a functional microphone. Aiiiieee! I was crossing my fingers, praying that Mr. Eigenmann realize his folly, to no avail. He lets out his first note, off-key as expected. That guy has no musical ability whatsoever and more guts than anyone is allowed to have. If I were Gosh Dilay, I would’ve smashed my guitar on Gabby’s head before he even finished the first chorus. Alas, the members of Sponge Cola were too much of the gentleman.

Game, Set, Match

2005-01-19T09:11:00.000+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, my current obsession.

And later, the new season of American Idol! Woohoo!

Isa Pa

2005-01-12T09:22:00.000+08:00

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.

Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.

You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

This reminds me of another psychological test I took a couple of months ago, called the Lüscher color test. My labmate Eloise has a whole book on it. The results freaked me out a bit, because they're way too accurate. You should take the online version, though I haven't tried this one yet.

Verdict

2005-01-12T09:12:00.000+08:00

When I was in second year high school, my friends and I thought ourselves antisocial.

You Are a Social Blogger!

Your blog is more of a semi-private affair for your friends.
It's how you keep in touch... sharing stories, jokes, and pics.

What kind of blogger are you?

Kodak Moments

2005-01-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

Hi. Time for pics!

First off, shots from our family lunch at Gerry's Grill last December 24:

That's my cousin Mikko. Sooobrang cute niya, 'no?

That's Mikko again, plus my other cousins Migs (leftmost) and Paolo (in blue shirt), and my Tita Con.

Me receiving Christmas gifts. I got two shirts, a pair of shorts, and (my favorite) a rainmaker!!! Woohoo!

Now for the pics in Boracay:

Me.

Me.

Me.

And then there's... erm... me.

Getting a henna tattoo.

What whiskey-laced coffee AND a screwdriver will do to an alcohol-intolerant person: bloodshot eyes, rashes, and his top off.

Ate Jackie and Mommy.

My mom looking out into the horizon. Grabe, nami-miss ko na ang blue-green water.

Flight back to Manila. 'Yan lang ang pic naming tatlo. And...

Clouds!

Yun lang. I hope this page doesn't take too much time loading.

Paradise Found

2005-01-05T08:30:00.000+08:00

I wanted to do it. Everyone’s doing it, I tell myself, so why can’t I. They say it’s like being in paradise, and the thought of attaining such delights invaded me, consumed me. So I planned everything down to the last detail as I was wont to do. Finally, it happened, and the pleasure was such that I was certain every moment of my twenty-one years was spent priming myself for it: I went to Boracay.

A couple of firsts for me: first time to breach Luzon borders and first time to fly. That was a bit scary at first. As we approached full takeoff velocity I tried my hardest not to think about the paper airplanes I made when I was a kid (launch, glide, crash). I gradually relaxed when the craft became stable. I actually enjoyed the view outside, and for a person with an extreme fear of heights that is saying something. Half an hour later we (I was with my mom and my sister) touched down at Roxas City in Capiz. From there we took a van to Kalibo, then transferred vehicles before aiming for Caticlan. The land ride was a long four hours, but the view was nothing short of exhilarating as the automobile tore through vast expanses of green fields and mountainsides. At the Caticlan port we boarded a boat bound for the famed island (insert mental picture of paper boats here). About fifty meters from the shore you see it: clear, blue-green water lapping at a long stretch of off-white sand. I was taken aback, suddenly realizing that the celebrity sightings will settle for a sorry second place after this wonder of nature.

I developed some sort of rhythm when I got there. A hurried breakfast, swimming, lunch, afternoon nap, swimming and/or sunbathing, dinner, and coffee + people watching completed my typical day. And when we weren’t in the water, I, with my mom and sis, scoured the talipapa for fabulous finds. Island life grew on me, as it probably did on the other vacationers. (Note: During the first hour I spent in Boracay, I swear I saw more foreigners than natives. They were everywhere.)

We spent New Years’ Eve differently. Usually we’d be readying media noche an hour before midnight struck, then we’d light sparklers, lusis, etc. when the new year officially arrived (we were never huge fans of firecrackers). After that we’d eat, then watch some TV before finally going to bed. This year was actually my first year to join a throng of people counting down to the new year. It was fun, but also a tad lonely to be in the midst of strangers… and the strange-looking. Suddenly I missed my dad, and also my three toddler cousins. Hmmm, the human dilemma of non-contentment. Anyway, we trooped over to Café del Sol, which was not far from the spot where the fireworks were being launched, and had coffee. We were sitting outside, happily replenishing our caffeine stores, then Geoff Eigenmann walks by. Three minutes later, his brother AJ struts along. A few breaths after that, a third Eigenmann (Ryan) follows suit. Ho-hum. People watching is such a blast. Other personalities I saw during my stay in Boracay: Gina Alajar (no shocker), Alex Compton, Eric Menk, Rudy Hatfield, Anne Curtis, Chinggay Andrada, Tuesday Vargas (or was it someone in drag?), Miguel Zubiri, Marc Nelson, Greg Martin, Jackie Forster, Cindy Kurleto, Joey Mead, Robby Mananquil, and a lot of models, including Diego the soccer guy from the Pond’s commercial whom my sister got introduced to. Phew. Paris Hilton was also there, she said hello but I totally snubbed her. Serves her right for saying “that’s hot” one time too many. Kidding. Aiiee, I almost forgot. I saw Bianca, a friend from high school, who said she was there with the whole clan.

The next night we had drinks while watching a duo perform live. I had a screwdriver, Jackie had a tequila sunrise, and Mom had a margarita. I tasted them all, and figured I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart if I tried.

Tinatamad na akong magkwento. Before ending this, a list of my Boracay favorites:
1. Ai Pazzi’s calamares
2. Café del Sol’s raspberry cream frappe
3. my new tan
4. lying in the sand until I pass out
5. hot showers after sunbathing

On the flight home, I sat up with a start, realizing that I’ve almost forgotten to do something I’ve sworn to do every time I go out of town. So I coughed tentatively, vocalized, and started humming…

the saddest sight my eyes can see
is that big ball of orange sinking slyly down the trees
sittin in a broken circle while you rest upon my knee
this perfect moment will soon be leaving me

suzanne calls from boston the coffee's hot the corn is high
and that same sun that warms your heart will suck the good earth dry
with everything it's opposite enough to keep you crying
or keep this old world spinning with a twinkle in its eye

get out the map, get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down
we'll leave the figuring to those we pass on our way out of town
don't drink the water there seems to be something ailing everyone
i'm gonna clear my head, i'm gonna drink that sun
i'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young

joni left for south africa a few years ago
and then beth took a job all the way over on the west coast
me, I’m still trying to live half a life on the road
well, it seems I’m heavier by the years, oh, heavier by the load

so why do we hurtle ourselves through every inch of time and space
i must say around some corner I can sense a resting place
with every lesson learned, a line upon your beautiful face
we'll amuse ourselves one day with these memories we'll trace

Please visit www.indigogirls.com for more info on the Girls. I’ll be posting pics of my Boracay sojourn as soon as I can.

Jitemis

2004-12-28T13:45:00.000+08:00

Hi kids. Just came back from Subic. Super fun! The first day we were there we went swimming. The beach was nice, even if a bit stony. I got to use my new goggles! We also played beach volleyball and went sunbathing. Di naman ako umitim, uggh. Funny: today I cleaned the inside of my ears and still found bits of sand.

Anyway, that night we used Lani's Magic Mic. As you might know, I am not very fond of videoke. But three shots of Bailey's later, I am caught (on video) wailing like a madman to that Bonnie Tyler classic (we're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks... i really need you tonight! forever's gonna start tonight, forever's gonna start tonight...). Slightly embarrassing. Plus I had trouble getting sleep because of the alcohol.

The next day we woke up late and went horseback riding--literally a pain in the ass. All the idle moments we spent eating and taking pictures. I love my blockmates! Including the honorary ones. Sheena, a million thanks for the Subic trip and for everything. I know you will find time (and funding) to go back once in a while. Take it easy.

Hmmm. Our photos will be up in BJ's photoblog... soon, I hope.

As for Christmas, what happened every year happened yet again. The holidays kind of force you into being cheery, and the excitement builds up until December 24, then Christmas day you waste by pretending to hear mass and sleeping and playing PC games. You know the drill.

Happy new year everyone!

If you are wondering why today's entry is entitled like that, wonder away. Private joke 'yan ng mga sumama sa Subic. Jitemis...

LSS

2004-12-23T16:07:00.000+08:00

hintay
sugarfree
(http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/sugarfree/sa_wakas/hintay-219027-lyric/)

mabilis ang ikot ng mundo
sa kakasabay, nahihilo ako
isang hakbang sa limang patlang
may panahon, pagkakataong

mawawala kapag di hinawakan
madudulas kapag hindi iningatan
hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy

hintay, hintayin mo ako
mahirap nang maiwan dito
hintay, hintayin mo ako
at dahan-dahan lang hoy

mabilis ang galaw ng oras
sa kakasabay nauubos ang lakas
mabilis na mahirap sabayan
may panahon, pagkakataong

mawawala kapag di hinawakan
at dudulas kapag hindi iningatan
hoy, hoy

Lunch and Sex

2004-12-23T15:42:00.000+08:00

I went out to lunch with Bea and Leonard the other day. To be able to fully enjoy their company, I had to leave work a bit earlier than usual. (I intentionally made that sound as if it were a difficult task—it’s not.) My boss just arrived from the US and was in a pretty good mood. Anyway, Bea fetched me at the office and the two of us made our way to the AS steps, just like when we were clueless freshmen. She proceeded to tell me about her latest escapades with… wait, I can’t divulge that here. So we talked until Leonard arrived. Then we took a jeep to Katipunan, where we stuffed ourselves silly with delicacies at Gayuma. Bea, the self-proclaimed South Beach diet advocate, finished the rest of the butter-and-fruit cake I had for dessert. That cheat.

It’s really amazing how fast time flies when you’re just chatting with your friends. Leonard was talking about being disappointed with some aspects of his volunteer work, Bea was talking about being hit on by a Yao Ming double, I was talking about the recent MSI party (where a lot of macho dancing transpired—don’t ask) and lab party (where I totally had fun and discovered I like wine). We did this nonstop until about 4 pm, when Bea had to do some errands. An hour and a half later we found ourselves at the Coffee Beanery at Shangri-La doing what we do best (you guessed it right): talking. The pastime never gets old.

Haaay.

I am tempted to talk about my friends’ latest forage for love, but this is my blog. Talking about my life is required, I’ve been told. Lately I’ve found nothing interesting to write about. And especially in the realm of (dare I say it?) romance. Aaaaiieee, but I’m tired of ranting. Dadating siya kung dadating siya. That’s that and I’m shutting up.

I’m so looking forward to the Subic trip with my blockmates (can’t wait to see you Sheenz) and the Boracay adventure with my family. I don’t care what the summer lovers say, Christmastime is beachtime!

***

Tuesday night I watched the farewell program for Sex and the City’s final season. It’s one of the shows that I really regret not having followed (others include The X-Files and The Simpsons). I think I may have watched less than twenty episodes, but each made an impact on me. Each episode of Sex that I got to see had me laughing my head off, in near tears, realizing a sudden epiphany, etc. And unlike what the creators supposed happened to many men, I’m glad to say I was never threatened by it. You had to appreciate a show where the cast can say phrases such as “eat pussy” and not flinch.

Who’s your favorite Sex character? Mine is Miranda.

To everyone whom I will not see/talk to before the twenty-fifth: Happy Christmas! Frohliche Weinachten! Maligayang Pasko!

November

2004-11-25T15:23:00.000+08:00

Because I love lists and because I am presently incapable of coherent writing, my entry today will be in bulleted form. What happened to me during the last four weeks (not necessarily in chronological order):

1. Grace, Bea, Patrick and I “attend” the Oktoberfest closing party at the Megastrip. As half of Manila’s population guzzle beer, expose upper torsos, urinate, and attempt to revive the grunge look, we sit on comfy couches inside SBC and chat away. Fun!

2. I give Ragnarok (the offline version of it) a try. The game grows on me. A week later, my mother accuses me of addiction.

3. I rediscover the song Thin Line by the Indigo Girls.

4. I board an FX which suddenly gives out in the middle of C5. After much hesitation I join the other guys in pushing the thing while the driver tried to jumpstart the engine. I try to cover my face in shame while performing said task. Then I rethink my situation and suddenly realize that it is my first time to set foot on that particular highway. I become strangely appreciative. After several attempts we get the vehicle running again, but not for long. A few hundred meters later, the engine dies again. This time, I scram.

5. The primate cells and virus stocks arrive at our lab. The delivery boy is seemingly unaware that the contents of the package is capable of giving him recurring cold sores. Yikes. Finally, K-Ann and I can start the real work.

6. I play volleyball again.

7. The animated film The Incredibles revives my faith in movies.

8. Just last night I ride a bus to Ortigas, instead of taking the MRT as I usually do. There’s something romantic about buses that makes you (kind of) re-evaluate your identity. I think and think and think until I lose my train of thought.

They Walk By Night... Sshhh

2004-10-27T08:24:00.000+08:00

To continue:

8. Maya-maya pa, sinundo na si Lani ng driver nila at sinundo na si May ni Allan. Hmph, mga killjoy! Naligo na at nagprepare for a night out.

9. Lumabas na kami ng condo unit nina Edgar and Herb (dun din pala nakatira si RJ, at si Jaypee Cruz na kaklase ko nung elementary). Amazing, pero nagkasya kaming lahat sa iisang elevator. Lakad-lakad along Taft Avenue. Si Hender gustong mag-taxi kasi malayo raw kung lalakarin. Sabi ni BJ di naman kalayuan at wala pa rin namang specific na pupuntahan kaya tuloy lang ang paglakad sa dilim. Napakabaho talaga ng Maynila.

10. Habang naglalakad ay napagdesisyunang dumiretso sa Baywalk. Agree ang lahat. Di ko na matandaan lahat nung mga kalyeng dinaanan namin pero sure ako na nagawi kami sa Pedro Gil. Pagkatapos ng mga approximately trenta minutong paglakad, narating rin namin ang Baywalk. Madaming places kung saan pwedeng uminom at makinig sa mga banda. Lakad na naman ang drama namin habang namimili kung saan kami magchi-“chill” (bwahahahaha). Mukhang pare-pareho lang ang mga bar na andun pero walang nagsasabi kung saan nila gusto. (Sa mga blockmates kong di naka-attend: walang pagbabago sa decision-making skills ng M8 pag magkakasama. Alam niyo na, pag tinanong ang isa, ang usual na sagot ay: “kahit ano... kayo?” kaya walang nararating.) Anyway, pagdating namin sa isang spot, nagpaalam sina BJ at Hender dahil may booking raw sila. Babay. Naiwan ang mga kawawang blockmates sa gitna ng Roxas Boulevard.

11. Mga ilang minuto rin kaming idle at nakatanga lang. Sinuggest namin ni Ria na maghanap ng coffee shop na bukas pa. Meron raw sa banda roon, sabay turo sa direksiyon ng Pan-Pacific Hotel. Alam niyo na kung anong ginawa naming sunod: naglakad. Walang humpay na lakaran ang nangyari. Habang naghahanap kami ay bubulong-bulong si Edgar sa sarili niya (not very unusual for him to do). Nung sinubukan niyang ipaliwanag kung bakit siya nane-nega, hindi ko ma-gets kaya oo na lang ako. Maya-maya pa ay nakarating na kami sa “Malate.” (Sa’n ba exactly ang Malate? Kalito.) Merong Starbucks na bukas, yessss! At, surprise, surprise, katabi niya ang Malate Pensionne, kung sa’n nagpunta sina BJ at Hender.

12. Dahil nagyo-yosi kami ni Edgar, dun muna kami naupo sa benches sa labas ng Starbucks. May katabi kaming dalawang babaeng nagdadaldalan. Heto ang arrangement namin sa bench:

Edgar Ako Girl 1 Girl 2

Suddenly, may tinuro si Edgar na bagay na nakapatong sa bench sa gitna ko at ni Girl 1. Lumingon ako. Condom! So ngayon:

Edgar Ako unopened condom Girl 1 Girl 2

Tapos, pinuntahan kami ni Vane. Gusto ko siyang asarin, kaya tinuro ko ang condom, sabay: “Vane, ano ‘to?” Eto ang freaky: humarap sa ‘kin si Girl 1 at sabi: “Ay, akin ‘yan...” Nag-sorry ako. Buti na lang madilim, kasi kung hindi makikita nilang kasing pula ako ng kamatis. Pinipigil ni Edgar ang pagtawa. Sabi pa niya, baka raw puta yung mga katabi namin, at nilagay ang condom dun intentionally. Tiningnan ko ang mga babae, mukha namang sosy. I inch away from them just in case. Maya-maya, umupo na kaming lahat sa isang table sa labas ng Starbucks.

13. Nagkape at kumain. Sobrang tuyot ng ensaymadang binili ko. Kung anu-anong pinag-usapan. Strangely enough, tungkol sa mga tao sa Albert Hall. Hiniram ko yung iPod ni Nestor at paulit-ulit na pinakinggan ang Burnout ng Sugarfree. Dumating sina Hender at BJ galing kung saan, parehong mukhang lasing. Si Edgar at BJ, nakatulog habang nakaupo. Si Hender, inuubos ang memory ng phone ko kaka-picture. Meron pang nag-suggest na panoorin ang sunrise sa bay, pero marami na’ng inaantok, kasama ko. Tinanong ko si Ria kung anong oras na—4:30. Maya-maya ay naglakad na kami pauwi. Pagbagsak ko sa kama ay nasiguro kong babangon lang ako pag may araw na. Ang mga iba ay kumain pa ng sardinas. Sa kanila niyo na lang itanong kung anong pinag-usapan nila.

14. Gumising kami ng mga 7:30. Nakaalis na by then sina Herb, Jen, Vane at Ria. Swimming ulit ang mga natira. Tinuruan kami ni Hender kung paano ang tamang paraan ng paglangoy, kahit di naman siya kagalingan talaga. Umahon kami at tiningan ang Maynila mula sa rooftop. Nothing special. Bumaba na kami, naligo, nananghalian sa McDo, at umuwi. Pagdating ko sa bahay, more tulog. The end.

Sorry friends kung masyadong mahaba.

Asan na ang mga taong ito? Di ko alam kung nagbabasa sila ng blog ko. Post naman kayo sa chatterbox ko:

Milay
May
Grace
Mardan
Leonard
etc.

Sem-Ender

2004-10-26T08:42:00.000+08:00

Heto na ang mga pangyayari noong gabi ng Oktubre 23. Para sa mga negang hindi um-attend, at sa mga interesado na rin. Read on:

1. Dumating ako sa Robinson’s Place Manila para i-meet si Ria, Jen, Edgar at Nestor. As usual, ako ang nauna. Internet muna sa Netopia. Tapos baba sa tapat ng Ice Monster pagka-text ni Edgar. Antagal ko na palang hindi nakita si Jen. Kumustahan. Dumating si Nestor a few minutes later, nagmamaganda dahil may bagong iPod na binili sa Japan. Aaaargh.

2. Umalis na kami sa meeting place at dumiretso ng Gonuts Donuts dahil di pa raw nanananghalian si Edgar. Keri. Bilang mga nagtitipid, tig-iisang doughnut lamang. Ang sarap ng choco-hazelnut ba yun. Lumabas na kami ng Rob Place at nakasalubong si Riang naglalakad mag-isa. Diretso sa bahay nina Edgar sa Astral Towers. May kalayuan pala. (Di man lang sumagi sa isip kong mas mahaba pa ang lalakarin mamaya.)

3. Pagdating sa bahay, andun na si Herb. Small talk, konting lala. Napagdesisyunang bumili ng lechong manok at magsaing. Lumayas ang iba, natira akong nagra-Ragnarok, at si Ria at Herb na nag-uusap tungkol sa med frats. I respect the opinions of others, but I really am against the whole idea of having physical pain inflicted on me. Kahit anupaman ang bungang maganda.

4. Swimming sa rooftop ng condo. May nakasalubong kaming Scary Girl in Pink. Ang hitad, nagja-jackstone mag-isa sa landing between 19th floor and rooftop. Nakalugay ang buhok a la Sadako of Ring fame. Freaky nang sobra. Anyway, diretso sa pool. Napakalamig ng tubig. Anlakas pa ng hangin. Nagkunwari akong magaling mag-backstroke kaya hayun, pumasok ang pool water sa tenga at sumakit ang ulo ko. Maya-maya pa, bumaba na kami sa unit nina Edgar.

5. Nahiga ako at uminom ng Medicol na bigay ni Edgar. Luto-luto sila dun sa kusina, ako tamad-tamaran at nakahilata. Nagdatingan na ang iba: Lani, Vane, BJ, Hender. Si Lani nakita ko mga one week ago nung nagt-training kami sa RITM. Si Vane, nakikita-kita ko around UP pag tinatakasan ang boss niyang kapatid ni Dean Azanza. Si Hender at BJ, di ko na maalala kung kelan ko huling nakita. Naka-tube na puti si Hender. Haba na ng buhok. Mamayang konti, lala na ang lahat. Si BJ nagpa-sweet at hindi kumain.

6. Pagkakain, dumating si Mary Ann na nakapalda, ehehehe. Binati ng lahat ang porma ng lola mo. Fatale na kwentuhan ang sumunod. Ang mga naknampucha, nagrereklamo dahil sa mga trabaho nila. “Pagkakaltas ng tax, P10000 na lang ang inuuwi ko... Huhuhu...,” reklamo ni May. “Ako naman, di pa appointed! Puro cash advance lang... Huhuhu...,” iyak ni Edgar. “Matatapos na contract ko sa Novermber, at di pa ko nakakaaral for subject GRE... Huhuhu...,” sambit naman ni Lani. Mga peste kayong lahat. Kami nga ni K-Ann, inaapi na’t kalahati lang ang sweldo, bungisngisan pa rin! Buela, turuan nga natin ang mga ito ng positive thinking.

7. Ininit ni Nestor ang sakeng mahal. Yelllccch, amoy suka. Tinikman ko, lasang beer na mainit. Ayoko na. Hindi talaga ako mahilig sa alcoholic drinks. Nangangati pa ang paa at ulo ko after. Sarap na sarap si Hender. Maya-maya pa ay sinukat na nito ang isusuot sa Malate mamaya. Isang kapiranggot na telang pula na may manipis na armholes. Malaswa. Maganda. Mabenta. Napag-usapan rin ang kahuli-hulihang kontrobersiya sa block. Nakakalito—sino ang salarin? Haka-haka ang mga tao. Di nila alam, ang nag-send talaga ng e-mail ay si Dang Ching. Miss niya na kayong lahat. (Dang, kung binabasa mo ‘to, asan ka na???)

Bukas na ang ikalawang bahagi. Boring na masyado.

Ang sarap palang magsulat sa Tagalog. Parang pinupurga ang lahat ng kapekean mo sa buhay.

Off-topic: Dinrowing-an ako ni Eloise nung isang araw ng Pisces sign sa inner wrist nung pare-pareho kaming walang magawa. Ganda di ba?

Naninimdim

2004-10-23T17:12:00.000+08:00

It all started one afternoon when I was surfing channels and chanced upon a live performance of a band on MTV. I stopped to listen to the song and immediately liked its easy melody and the vocalist’s (there’s a better word but it’s lost on me right now) “rock-ish” voice. After that afternoon I heard the song on the radio twice, I think. Then two days ago I saw the band’s debut album already on Music One’s bestseller rack. Hmmm. I ponder buying it using my meager salary but decided to put it off. The next day I was bombarded with several omens which ultimately led me to purchasing said CD. In the morning paper I saw an interview the band members gave Young STAR. A few hours later while searching for a free mp3 (being cheap old me) I found URLs for the band’s homepage and Yahoo! group. And then later that afternoon, while I was in Powerbooks MegaMall musing the pros and cons of spending hard-earned cash on something that cannot be digested, the staff suddenly play the whole album. I took it as a sign. I grabbed the CD and rushed to the cashier. Five hours later I am listening to their songs and congratulating my good judgment.

The band is Sponge Cola and the song is Lunes. The album is called Palabas.

The last Pinoy rock band that I really liked was the Eraserheads. Actually the only Pinoy artist that I (sort of) followed, in recent memory, was Cynthia Alexander. I found it so difficult to find OPM that truly deserved the title of “original,” although there are a lot of really talented Pinoy singers. I think it was the songwriting that I missed. The slump that Pinoy music suffered only heightened (or should I say deepened?) with the recent trend of the so-called novelty songs, for which Lito Camo deserves to be roasted alive. On the other hand, these masterpieces presented a kind of cheek that was disturbingly fresh. As K-Ann repeatedly says, where else could you find a song with a line that goes: mas malambing pa sa kambing? Ugggh.

***

It’s Sem-Ender Night tonight at Edgar and Herb’s place near Malate. Sounds promising. Blockmates, punta tayo ha? Pwede pa yatang mag-swim.

***

At ayokong magising
Sa umagang nang-aakit mabuksan
Naninimdim
Di alam
Walang patutunguhan

To anyone who knows what “naninimdim” means or has heard anything about Sponge Cola, please e-mail me or send me an instant message (johnfadul@yahoo.com). Same goes for anyone who has mp3s of Stonefree’s Listen and Sugarfree's Burnout. Help me come back into the fold.

Into That Hole

2004-10-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

How do you deal with loneliness? For the longest time I’ve been telling myself that I am alone, not lonely, and that the two are distinct from each other. But now, as I sit listening to Black Balloon, I find that each time I try, it gets harder to convince myself. I would like to distinguish myself from (what I previously considered pathetic) human beings who embark on the great search for their soulmate, but recently I’ve been fantasizing about finding mine. What would it be like to just hold hands with that someone and feel content? Sheena once told me that the best thing about being with someone is the feeling that there is this source of love that would never run out. And I think, hey, that’s something I wouldn’t mind having. I’d probably spend less nights covered in my sheets, wide awake, wondering why I couldn’t shake the feeling of emptiness off.

Then again, some people would say I just need to get laid. I am not discounting that other possibility.

Funny thing is, sometimes I like feeling lonely. The solitude tends to give you an illusion of peace. Actually, oftentimes when I feel loneliness starting to set in, I don’t even try to ward it off. What I do is listen to some sad song, munch on a chocolate bar, and type away at my journal. I wallow in that coldness, feeling that somehow I connect with the rest of humanity, which is, collectively speaking, a loser at finding love. Then when I tire of it, I get out of my room and pop over to the adjacent house to play with my kid cousins. Unfortunately, the feeling of loneliness never really leaves you, you just set it aside, where it lies ready for next time.

***

Nung isang araw ko pa sinulat 'yan, pero ngayon ko lang na-post. Sobrang sadness naman pala. The things some songs can do to you.

Inoculated

2004-10-04T17:48:00.005+08:00

Sabi ko pa naman, aayusin ko lahat ng post ko dito. As in yung fit i-submit for Hum I (eheheheh). Pero nakakatamad. Pordat, ito:

K-Ann and I went to the RITM today and learned all about viruses. Nakakainggit yung lab nila. Plus, I'm more than a little apprehensive about this project we're starting. K-Ann and I just graduated last April--can we really do this? *frustrated groan*

Miss Buela, meron pala akong bagong name for you: Kinky-Ann. Yay.

I still have to learn how to link other blogs to mine. Bye for now.

Hidden Meanings

2004-09-28T08:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I’ve decided, after much procrastination and mulling over, to jump into the bandwagon of blogging. Friendster is just not enough—I had to keep changing my profile so that people would know what I’m currently busying myself with. This is more convenient. I should warn you though. I hate confrontation scenes and am not an over-discloser, unlike Hender, so this probably wouldn’t spur any, uhh, controversies. I guess it’s just my way of letting out my inner literary genius (hah!). Bottom line: bear with me, I am an amateur.

Years ago, a teacher of mine (who was also a good friend) teased me about my name. She asked me if I knew that my name meant the same as “toilet.” I was a bit shocked then, because I thought my name sounded too common and, in fact, rather saintly. I never thought that, in slang, “john” referred to an object I now consider the most creative invention ever. You see (as my friends have pointed out countless times), I have a weak bladder. I haven’t really consulted a doctor about it, so I’m not sure if I have a condition or if I just consume obscene amounts of liquids. But it gets to be a real pain sometimes. Especially after a movie and people crowd into the nearby restrooms, and I am reduced to casting hexes on people who take too much time peeing. Anyway, now I realize that my name is part of me in more ways than I previously cared to admit. You understand why I decided to name my blog such.

Interesting bit of trivia: I just rechecked the word “john” in the dictionary. Aside from the meaning that I’ve tackled above, it may also stand for “a prostitute’s client”--repercussions of which I will not even try to discuss.

More later. Or tomorrow.

A Splitting Headache...

2004-09-22T17:17:00.000+08:00

...was what I got trying to figure out how HTML works. Nu'ng una na-challenge ako, but now I'm ready to give up. BJ! Hender! Pa'no ba ilagay yung pesteng chatterbox sa gilid ng page? Libre ko ng lunch or dinner ang magtuturo sa 'kin.

My first real post is coming up.

Sabi ni Hender mas importante raw ang posts kesa layout. I think I'm going to side with him. More convenient that way.

Day 0

2004-09-17T09:01:00.000+08:00

Just testing.